Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
