Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Come share oat with me in your robe
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
