I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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