In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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