Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm at about main and main street
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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