dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
