hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
do herpes really smell.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
