He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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