Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
