I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
