I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
