May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
