Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
