Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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