The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
