Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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