I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
