My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize