I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Randomize
