Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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