i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
