This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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