Dual....:-)
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
