During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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