I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think i have herpe
just one?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
