One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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