K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
