Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
