dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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