I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
