we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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