We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
