Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
