I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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