just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
this beer tastes like vomit already
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
