as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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