I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
