Just fell off a train. Bad.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
