so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
