do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
