i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
