hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
