So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
