If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
