I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
