yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
