Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
