i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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