Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize