everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
We had sex on a dog bed..
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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