I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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