His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
