Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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