Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
