That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Is it because I queefed?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
