"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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