I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
