My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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