i barfeds in our rink
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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