I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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