Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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