OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
