you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
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