I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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