Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
