Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
