You really coming over, don't trick.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
