Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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