you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You pole danced in your parka.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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