It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
