Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
