i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
