Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
