You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize